I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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