Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
