Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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