Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my sisters under your porch take her home
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
