You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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