Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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