Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
