He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Randomize