Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
