Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
