we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
