new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
