She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
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Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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