If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
