Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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