Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
