I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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