He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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