I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
