ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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