There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
