my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
