I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
