I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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