I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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