saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
