this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
