Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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