I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
