The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
