oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
