Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
