last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
