dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you have to choose: penises or morals?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
