You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
