Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i love accidental penises.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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