your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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