she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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