the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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