I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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