I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
