Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
