I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
