I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
