I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
