well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
