We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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