paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
