Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
