Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
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