omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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