You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
