if i can run in heels then i can drive
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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