even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
