why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
