I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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