I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
