lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
