Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
