11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
