That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
