He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
me + whiskey = a bad person
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
