What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize