My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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