Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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