He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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