You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
