i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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