we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
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