Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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