So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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